Dear Diary,

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Dear Diary,

It's another new beginning. Let us keep trying. Even if we may fail as many times as we may try, as long as we don't give up and keep trying, one day, we shall be reborn!

A new life awaits! I shall continue to pray for the blessings. I shall continue to pray for a steel determination and the strength to persevere. Believe in oneself and one will succeed.

A leap of faith, let's take it together.

-xoxo
Yours Sincerely,
Jay

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Dear Diary,

Who is my friend, who is my foe? I wish I knew the answers. When I'm surrounded by people, loneliness hits me with its worst.

Where do I truly belong? Does anybody want me or accept me? Where can I turn for shelter and love?

There are so many mysteries in this world and mine included. I keep searching for the answers but I keep getting lost.

Suspicion is a deep mist that swells increasingly - drowning and blinding me. I put both my hands up in front of me but I can't see them no more. Will my next step take me down a cliff?

Only silence greets my questions and then, I am lost once more. Falling is a horrendous feeling. It feels like getting sucked into a whirlpool with no end, and I am only left anticipating the sound of my heartbreak when I hit rock bottom.

Yours Sincerely,
Jay.

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Dear Diary,

Today, I finally let myself out of the house and ended my isolation/hibernation/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. Went to Binbin's house with Kahmin first before heading to Kbox. After a very very long time, I finally see her dog again. I think this should be only my second time seeing ET. To tell the truth, I was kind of freaked out by ET at first because you was totally bark at us through the door. You'd think I wouldn't be scared of aggressive dogs when I have one of my own. Haha, thank goodness ET is not Sora. I personally think Sora is much much much worse. I heard dogs like people who own dogs and they can differentiate. Maybe ET could smell some Sora on me, that's why he kept teasing Kahmin instead :D Whatever the reason, I kinda liked that big fella with all his chortling and gurgling.

After that, we hopped on down to E-hub and I commenced some major screaming sessions. Note: I screamed instead of singing. My singing sounded so wimpy and weak that I couldn't stand it myself so I started screaming. Note to self, do not scream during a K-happy session which lasts for five hours. Conclusion, my throat died.

Just as I was commenting on how my orientation group leader did not contact me, she called me just now =.= Guess it's not only Kahmin's group leader who's efficient. Anyway, my orientation group leader is Comint, a name I failed to notice from the group list. She makes me nervous about school reopening. So... let's run through this again, I'm in group K4 (Kirin/GreenGroup) from Cohort 1. Okay, I fervently wish that I will not forget that like how I forgot school starts on 9 on mondays.

-xoxo
Your's Sincerely,
Jay

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Dear Diary,

It's a countdown of four more days to my new senior high school life. To tell the truth, I'm feeling all queasy inside right now. There a lot of question marks for this year.

Will I make new friends? Will I patch up broken relationships? Will I do better in my studies? Will I have fun? Will I feel miserable?

To tell the truth, I... feel bad? Feel sorry? What's the right word for this? I don't really know... All the arguing and stuff. After thinking about it, maybe I really am just plain jealous. Because I was too desperate probably. And also because of other people's influence. I'm a bad friend, I guess. Good friends always trust each other and stand by their friends in the worst situations. But I turned my back on her and joined the discrimination, openly fanning the flames and happily watching them devour her.

The truth is... I have no idea why I disliked her so much. Even now I am not totally rekindled to the idea of being friends with her. Maybe I should apologize after all, so that at least I feel better on my account.

I am a selfish bitch after all, aren't I? But at least this time, I give a damn about it.
I don't want to be a selfish bitch.

-xoxo
Your's Sincerely,
Jay

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Dear Diary,

The Sojourn concert was really wonderful. Watching my seniors and juniors take the stage without me felt a little lonely, but they captivated me.

I remember the times we practiced together. During sectionals, or during full band, we had a lot of memories. Watching the performance made me think back on those times and made me miss this family that I left.

I shall not think that I was wrong to leave this family, but I shall always remember them and love them like I always have.

I don't really know why sophin was crying, but I sincerely wish she's alright now. Cheer up, my ray of light :D

PS: Jay's Random Fact Of The Day -> Did you know that Lolita Fashion can be broken up into 16 types? [ Gothic, Sweet, Casual, Hime, Shiro, Kuro, Classic, Country, Sailor, Wa, Guro, Punk, Ero, Cosplay, Kodona, Aristocrat] :D

-xoxo,
Your's Sincerely,
Jay

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Dear Diary,

Today is the last day of the year 2009.

There is only one thing that I will remember next year.
My results of the year: 2.53

GPA 2.53

Let this be my strength and reminder. Let this guide me for next year.

-xoxo
Your's Sincerely
Jay

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